What a damn day

8:33:00 PM

Today is the first time i saw someone cut her hand. She wore long sleeve black sweater with surgery mask. At first i didnt notice (nobody else notice) but when i turned my head back, i saw blood flowing. I panicked and i went to buy some plaster to a nearby shop, when i came out she just walked away.  i chased her and gave it to her without saying anything eventhough she asked me for what. And then i went back to my workplace, but i was bothered. I went back to check that girl, she was nowhere to be found. I asked the cleaner nearby, he told me the direction. I ran around. Luckily, i finally found her sitting on. I walked directly to her and asked why did she do that, she said nothing. I saw she just bandaged her hand. She just smiled. I asked where she came from. I also asked her if there someone can send her home, she said, yes. I don't really know what to say cuz im not really good dealing with girl. I don't want to get involved further. So i said, i have to go. Before i go home, i ride my bike and looked around. I saw her waving at me but i gave no response. Damn!! Why do people cut their own hand? I'm still bothered. I don't care who it is, or what their problem, i just cant stand seeing people cut their hand..damn...nobody notice her. I hope she is alright..what a damn day.

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7:08:00 PM
why not blog in malay so you can get a new reader...?

actually, i dont need reader for my blog...

i just need you... Continue reading →
7:05:00 PM
im looking for something that i dont know what it is

am i looking for someone or a thing..?
im so empty without goal...
just living..breath, walk, eat and do what they always do..

but im bored... Continue reading →
1:09:00 AM

I miss u again..
Again..and again..
Five years...
And so many things have been forgotten...
But only this feeling still remains..

I hope that we can meet again someday..
No words left to say..
If this can make you happy..

I will live my life, to see how long this feeling can stay..

I really miss you..
Really miss u..
Damn..i reaallyy miss uu..
Omg! This feeling is real...
I miss u once again..

I'm sorry..i really miss you right now..

Really miss u girl..
No one but you..
Really really miss u..

I need to sleep now..

Damn..really miss u again..
It's okay... But really miss u..

P/S: i miss u again..
Be safe..
Jaga diri baik2..

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10:34:00 PM

Miss u....

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Power of Pain

4:42:00 AM
Wow!! i wonder what is power of the pain...

almost all of things i wrote are all about pain...look like there nothing other than pain in my life
this sound ridiculous..

I feel like i dont want to continue my story..
I really have something to say but my words may hurt somebody...

I just stop here..
Nevermind..I'm happy... =)

It just like a dog who want to fly but cant becoz' dog arent made to fly...

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10:08:00 PM

It s not good at all..

I know beyond that normal people, i understand more, i realise more..but i cant do anything about it.
Sometime when I m alone and i cant control my mind...
I become really silence..and i feel like i have mental problem..

My ability of thinking...is killing me..

This is not sadness..this is not anger..
This is not emotion..this is not fear..nor attitude..
Maybe this ability of mine is just an illness..

Someone please tell me how to control this...

I can never be a normal people..though i try really hard..pretending and blend in as normal them..

I never told anyone except my best friend...

Tomorrow.. I will get back to work..and i will look like a normal people..
I smile..i talk..
I do works..

But in the inside, i feel hollow.. Empty..alone.. No one knows me..

And it look like it's alright.. Hehe..muaahh..

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10:05:00 PM

I just watched a movie called Naked Gun 1991. It's a comedy..

Frank Drebin is a police man who always busy..nothing to do but police works. His girlfriend from the first series, Jane left him without a proper explanation. Married to a guy who is so gentle and can give her understanding that Frank never had.

Unfortunately, this story reminded me about my life. I've been searching for a proper reason for that situation. Where a girl would leave just like that.. So many assumptions I've made..and sometime that made me confuse.

I started to hate the thing called 'love dovey' or 'couple' or 'lover' or 'girlfriend/boyfriend' or whatever it called...

But I need LOVE. And no one can give me that. I hate looking for a girlfriend as they suggest..
I hate looking around finding a girl..i hate it..hate hate hate...

Thats why..even though i know the fact that this girl would never ever come back for me. I will always treasure this feeling for her..

I may look like a loser..but i dont care..
She avoided me..she left me..she forgotten me..she blocked me..she deleted me..she badmouth me..or even she spit on me...i dont care anymore..

I only care for this feeling..i would never let it fade...i will make my life full with love tears..it s hurt and sad but it s beautiful..

And now I really miss that girl...weww...goodnight..

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12:28:00 AM

Alone at home..
No one to talk to..only cats and dogs..
I'm imagining thing..
Like.."baby why dont you just come out from my phone and said..haaiii.."
And i will show no interest..though i really like it much..
I turn my head around..i'm so happy but i cant smile..
I'm not sure why..but i really love that baby...

My tears start to come out..my eyes are getting wetter..
But i'm here..not to ask for my baby to come back..
My tears and my feelings..nothing to do with you..
I cry just to satisfy myself..
I dont want to have faith in you..but i still faithful to my own feelings..

What is more beautiful story than a sad love story...i like the way it be..

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