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1:09:00 AM

I miss u again..
Again..and again..
Five years...
And so many things have been forgotten...
But only this feeling still remains..

I hope that we can meet again someday..
No words left to say..
If this can make you happy..

I will live my life, to see how long this feeling can stay..

I really miss you..
Really miss u..
Damn..i reaallyy miss uu..
Omg! This feeling is real...
I miss u once again..

I'm sorry..i really miss you right now..

Really miss u girl..
No one but you..
Really really miss u..

I need to sleep now..
Goodnite...

Damn..really miss u again..
It's okay... But really miss u..

P/S: i miss u again..
Be safe..
Jaga diri baik2..
Baii..
Baiii...huhuhu...

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10:34:00 PM

Miss u....

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Power of Pain

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4:42:00 AM
Wow!! i wonder what is power of the pain...

almost all of things i wrote are all about pain...look like there nothing other than pain in my life
this sound ridiculous..

I feel like i dont want to continue my story..
I really have something to say but my words may hurt somebody...

I just stop here..
Nevermind..I'm happy... =)

It just like a dog who want to fly but cant becoz' dog arent made to fly...

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10:08:00 PM

It s not good at all..

I know beyond that normal people, i understand more, i realise more..but i cant do anything about it.
Sometime when I m alone and i cant control my mind...
I become really silence..and i feel like i have mental problem..

My ability of thinking...is killing me..

This is not sadness..this is not anger..
This is not emotion..this is not fear..nor attitude..
Maybe this ability of mine is just an illness..

Someone please tell me how to control this...

I can never be a normal people..though i try really hard..pretending and blend in as normal them..

I never told anyone except my best friend...

Tomorrow.. I will get back to work..and i will look like a normal people..
I smile..i talk..
I do works..

But in the inside, i feel hollow.. Empty..alone.. No one knows me..

And it look like it's alright.. Hehe..muaahh..

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10:05:00 PM

I just watched a movie called Naked Gun 1991. It's a comedy..

Frank Drebin is a police man who always busy..nothing to do but police works. His girlfriend from the first series, Jane left him without a proper explanation. Married to a guy who is so gentle and can give her understanding that Frank never had.

Unfortunately, this story reminded me about my life. I've been searching for a proper reason for that situation. Where a girl would leave just like that.. So many assumptions I've made..and sometime that made me confuse.

I started to hate the thing called 'love dovey' or 'couple' or 'lover' or 'girlfriend/boyfriend' or whatever it called...

But I need LOVE. And no one can give me that. I hate looking for a girlfriend as they suggest..
I hate looking around finding a girl..i hate it..hate hate hate...

Thats why..even though i know the fact that this girl would never ever come back for me. I will always treasure this feeling for her..

I may look like a loser..but i dont care..
She avoided me..she left me..she forgotten me..she blocked me..she deleted me..she badmouth me..or even she spit on me...i dont care anymore..

I only care for this feeling..i would never let it fade...i will make my life full with love tears..it s hurt and sad but it s beautiful..

And now I really miss that girl...weww...goodnight..

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12:28:00 AM

Alone at home..
No one to talk to..only cats and dogs..
I'm imagining thing..
Like.."baby why dont you just come out from my phone and said..haaiii.."
And i will show no interest..though i really like it much..
I turn my head around..i'm so happy but i cant smile..
I'm not sure why..but i really love that baby...

My tears start to come out..my eyes are getting wetter..
But i'm here..not to ask for my baby to come back..
My tears and my feelings..nothing to do with you..
I cry just to satisfy myself..
I dont want to have faith in you..but i still faithful to my own feelings..

What is more beautiful story than a sad love story...i like the way it be..

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1:11:00 AM

Life is tough..
Life is sure different from what I imagined..

Hu..
Life that I can't understand at all..

Feel like I wanna shout your name..
Maybe, you're with the wind..

Or whispering will work better..
...
I think I should just sing...

I'm confused...

I need someone to talk to..
Someone that I can talk all about anything...

I need a friend..but a good friend just can't be found anywhere...

I don't really wanna find..I don't really wanna take...
And I don't really wanna forget..

I can let people go..but I would never let my feelings go...

I will endure this..

I'm glad I cried... These tears told me that I'm great...

Its new year..and I'm still single..
Single s not bad at all...

A lot of wedding invitations..

Beautiful girls everywhere...
But when I close my eyes, I just can see one beautiful girl..

Nevermind ... I need to sleep early tonight... Got a lot of works need to be done tomorrow.. Good night...

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Hurt

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12:04:00 AM

There is always something that bother me more than anything..

A best friend that I've lost..
And a wound that won't heal..

I've tried...as hard as I could...
I fought with my brain..

I made up stories of what I want to do..
I lied to myself..telling myself to do these and that... I'm alright but not for long..

in the end..I'll always ended up here..
Talking nonsense..

What kind of man am I?
I'm confused..and sometimes, I don't have the confident of being a man..

I was bad..but how bad am I ?

Here I am alive today...without any real desire..
What I've been living up till now is only a lie..a big lie just to not let down those who have faith in me...

It hurt..hurt...hurrttt...hurt...hurt....
It hurt again..hurrt...

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