I want you to know

3:30:00 AM

I feel like there is no tomorrow for me...
I'm alive but I don't feel alive...
Tomorrow is just a boring day..just like today and yesterday...
I'm trying my hard to live...
I'm bored...
Bosan abis..tahap dewa..
Tomorrow I will try to do a recording...

I want to sing 'the reason i became singer' but I still learning that song..

Damn..why do I'm wearing earphone but no song, no sound..

I wish I can come back to the time where we first met...

Nahh...just kidding...

Ok here is my imagination, what will I do if I can go back to the time we first met?

I will directly confess my feeling and get rejected on the spot..that's it..

Actually, I never want to turn back time even if I can...the past was really full of sufferings and painfull..I never want to experience it twice...

Maybe this boring life is better... I feel guilty for everything that happened to so called our forever love...

Damn it..I already moved on lah..but life still boring as ever..

Ahh..this boredom really make me suffer...
Maybe I should go rob a bank..go rap some girls..yeah..
But I think being the good guy is what really the best...

No one can see me, I don't mind..I just need your eyes to look into me..
No one notice me, I don't mind..
I just need you to notice me..
No one like me, I don't mind..
I just need you...

Or maybe..if someday, if I meet a girl that everytime I look into her eyes, my heart will say, "I will never leave this girl, I will never get bored of her"...
This girl is all I need, and I'll stop needing you..

I don't expect you to read this, I don't expect much..but if you accidentally read this, please don't be bothered... I don't want to bother anyone especially someone like you..

I expect you to live a happy life ever after..
Please hate me, avoid me, block me or do anything if it will make you happy..

If I'm dead, I wont haunt you.. I know I'm ugly but I wish to be your guardian angel...

What a foolish thought..I don't wanna die yet..

8 Sept 2012..until 12 Sept 2012

A painfull memories..it became the reason what I am today...

Yeah..it's been 5 years since then...
5 years..5 years..

I remember the first movie we watched together... p/s: i love you
I remember your panties, I remember your scent, I remember your lips, your forehead, your hair, your kiss...
And I don't even need my whole eyes to recognise you..
I remember your phone number even if I lost my contact list..your number I add first..
I remember your hugs, I remember how you always mock me for being small and short...
I remember that you always spend money on me, u always buy me shirt..u helped me buy flight tickets..
I remember how much you sacrificed for me, that I could never imagine you leaving me..
You're just like an angel to me, that I've put my unwavering faith on you...
You're my one and only best friend i ever had.. I can talk about anything...
I never really thought of you as my gf, but rather a life to me..

The most I remember about u, and never forget is...your eyes..
Your eyes always tell me "I love you too much"...that's why, everytime I look into your eyes, I remind my self that "I will never leave you, I will never get bored of you"...

Every time, I tried to be in a relationship..I always ended up leaving..because I can't love another girl..
I thought that being in relationship with another can help me forget you, but actually it help me remember...

ABCDEF means a lot...but people just laugh...it's not funny...it's beautiful...

I want you to know, I already moved on..
But when I moved, I forgot to leave my feeling for you...that's all for today..

Sekian dan terima kasih..
Sumbat idung oo..adeh..
Besok kena bangun awal, mau rakam nyanyi dulu baru p kerja..

Take care yourself okay!!!!

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Can i live without?

4:08:00 AM

When i play video game on my lappy, it's too laggy...because of my laptop is too old. I think i should buy a new one, but after i surveyed.. I asked myself, "can i live without buying new lappy?"...my answer, "yes, i can.." Then i ended up not buying..
So many things that i want for myself, but when i think about my answer.. I always ended up giving up or uninterested..

I always ignoring my desires..
Ignore, ignore and ignore...
In the end, i feel like a zombie without any desire..my interest become lesser..
And i get bored so easily...
I ended up doing nothing..no goal, no interest, and no emotion...

If i thought i can live without doing it, i wont do it...

I ended up being a useless being..
I'm so dead inside..

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3:46:00 AM

Even if we lose our memory, we could never forget what we love.

Back in 2012.  If i do have a little more money on that day, i would act recklessly following my emotion and my true feeling. But i dont have money to spend..and i thought everything would be alright.

I always say to my self that i have no regret in my life. But deep in my heart.. It hurt me.. I dont know which is wrong and which is right anymore. Either way, it would bring the same fate to me..HURT.

I chose not to cancel my flight, and decided to go back to my uni. I continued my study and barely passed. But it useless...i lost interest in that field and i do what i want in the end.. And i am unemployed now..

What if i didnt go back to my uni, staying near to the one i need. Fight for the one i love. Without finishing my degree.
I wonder..maybe that way, is better than now..

Day by day, i feel that my sense of interest become less...everything seem so boring. I live my life just for the sake of living..

I always tell myselft that it's better this way...sometime, i believe it..but in reality, this life couldn't be better than you're here....

They say that i should not look back because it will bring painful memory..

But for me..looking forward is what hurt me so much. When i close my eyes and imagine what will my future would be..
I see you and me sitting below the moonlight holding hands and it so cold...
When i open my eyes, my chest hurt so much and tears will follow...

As long as it live in someone's memory, the love could never die.

I forgot anything to give more space for it.. Even the name of people i met yesterday, i couldn't remember...

Damn it hurt me much...

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What a damn day

8:33:00 PM

Today is the first time i saw someone cut her hand. She wore long sleeve black sweater with surgery mask. At first i didnt notice (nobody else notice) but when i turned my head back, i saw blood flowing. I panicked and i went to buy some plaster to a nearby shop, when i came out she just walked away.  i chased her and gave it to her without saying anything eventhough she asked me for what. And then i went back to my workplace, but i was bothered. I went back to check that girl, she was nowhere to be found. I asked the cleaner nearby, he told me the direction. I ran around. Luckily, i finally found her sitting on. I walked directly to her and asked why did she do that, she said nothing. I saw she just bandaged her hand. She just smiled. I asked where she came from. I also asked her if there someone can send her home, she said, yes. I don't really know what to say cuz im not really good dealing with girl. I don't want to get involved further. So i said, i have to go. Before i go home, i ride my bike and looked around. I saw her waving at me but i gave no response. Damn!! Why do people cut their own hand? I'm still bothered. I don't care who it is, or what their problem, i just cant stand seeing people cut their hand..damn...nobody notice her. I hope she is alright..what a damn day.

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7:08:00 PM
why not blog in malay so you can get a new reader...?

actually, i dont need reader for my blog...

i just need you... Continue reading →
7:05:00 PM
im looking for something that i dont know what it is

am i looking for someone or a thing..?
im so empty without goal...
just living..breath, walk, eat and do what they always do..

but im bored... Continue reading →
1:09:00 AM

I miss u again..
Again..and again..
Five years...
And so many things have been forgotten...
But only this feeling still remains..

I hope that we can meet again someday..
No words left to say..
If this can make you happy..

I will live my life, to see how long this feeling can stay..

I really miss you..
Really miss u..
Damn..i reaallyy miss uu..
Omg! This feeling is real...
I miss u once again..

I'm sorry..i really miss you right now..

Really miss u girl..
No one but you..
Really really miss u..

I need to sleep now..

Damn..really miss u again..
It's okay... But really miss u..

P/S: i miss u again..
Be safe..
Jaga diri baik2..

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10:34:00 PM

Miss u....

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